Ponderables

Have you ever wondered ...

  • Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

  • Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

  • Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

  • Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

  • Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

  • Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

  • Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

  • Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

  • You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

  • Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

  • Why do we call an incident that was almost a collision, a near miss? Surely, if it nearly missed, it must have hit. Should it not be called a near hit?

  • Why wrong phone numbers are never engaged?

  • Why it's called Lipstick if you can still move your lips?

  • Why, if blind people wear dark glasses, don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

  • If people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

  • Why we call a stupid person either a smart-ass or a clever-dick?

  • Why we say "the kettle is boiling" when we all know it's the water that boils?

  • Why, when we're driving and looking for an address, we turn the radio off?

  • Why the third hand on a watch is called the second hand?

  • Why do Pharmacies make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front check out counter?

  • Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?

  • Why do banks leave the main doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

  • Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?

  • Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight ?

  • Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes...why do we still have monkeys and apes?

  • Where forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

  • Why they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will clean them?

  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?

And just some plain simple nonsense  ...

  • Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

  • Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  • The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

  • I went to a bookstore and asked the salesperson, "where's the self-help section?" He said if he told me, it would defeat the purpose.

  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

  • If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

  • Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

  • One nice thing about egotists, they don't talk about other people.

  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

  • How is it possible to have a civil war?